


"... and i got a lump in my throat"

by amemorymaze



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Coming Out, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-10
Updated: 2014-10-10
Packaged: 2018-02-20 16:01:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2434646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amemorymaze/pseuds/amemorymaze
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>everything has to start somewhere and this time, it's at an airport. (or where louis almost accidentally outs them, liam sets it right, then louis realises he kinda wishes liam hadn't.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	"... and i got a lump in my throat"

**Author's Note:**

> hey my tumblr is [here](http://www.amemorymaze.tumblr.com)

It happens at an airport. Jet lagged, dragging their bags along them as they make their way through the terminal, plastering fake smiles on their faces as they pass through passport control and keeping their heads ducked trying (and failing) to avoid recognition when they walk towards the arrivals section of Heathrow.

They’re all exhausted from days on end of little to no sleep, their days full to the brim with interviews and photo shoots and their nights full with album release parties, alcohol and pretty girls (and boys). It was collapsing in bed in the early hours of the morning, heads spinning and ears buzzing (and Harry and Louis tangled together as they drift off into unconsciousness). It was early mornings, eating breakfast in their hotel room as they stifle their yawns just the repeat the day all over again.

Louis loved every moment.

But now, traipsing through the hotel with their trainers squeaking on the polished floor and hoodies and beanies pulled over their heads, exhaustion sweeping through his bones.

The fresh air hits him and Louis breathes – so _glad_ to just be home. And he sighs in relief, that as they walk out into the public the flash of cameras are nowhere to be seen. There is no one there trying to grasp his attention because he’s sure that, right now, he doesn’t have the energy to do anything but slump into bed, cocoon himself in his duvet and sleep for days.

He looks up to find five cars; each of them, for once, going to different places. To their families and friends and their homes; visiting them whilst they can.

He turns his head to the boys around him and catches Harry’s gaze. Those piercing green eyes starting intently at him and a small smile tilting up the corner of those plump, rosy lips.

Louis is sure why he does it – guesses that it’s just instinct. He forgets for a split second, where they are and who they are. Forgets that this isn’t what they do. But Louis has always been one to think before acting and its taken time for him to change that.

But he reaches forward with a hand resting on Harry’s cheek and presses a soft kiss into the corner of his mouth.

He doesn’t realise, until he pulls back what he’s done. His eyes grow wide, as does Harry’s – the green pupils expanding in surprise.

Everything is silent and Louis can’t hear a thing, can’t make himself breathe because _bollocks, what has he done?_ But then Liam’s there, slinging his arms over their shoulders before he leans down and kisses both Harry and then Louis.

There’s a smile spread wide across Liam’s face but Louis can see the panic in his eyes and the subtle hint of a frown on his face. Liam just laughs boisterously; “We’ve been in France far too long, boys.”

And then Zayn and Niall are crowding down on them, laughing as they all plant kisses on each other’s cheeks, acting like that’s just something that they do. Louis lets out sarcastic quips and Harry laughs.

Soon enough, they’re yelling out goodbyes and clambering into their cars before heading home. The moment Louis is seated; he slumps down and tries to make himself breathe normally. He counts to ten multiple times before the restriction is gone and all is left is the prickle of tears in his eyes.

Grabbing his phone out, he sends two texts – to Harry, an apology and to Liam, thanks.

 

+

 

Louis doesn’t believe in miracles, doesn’t believe in fate or some ‘higher power’, but as he sits in his bed the morning after, his ipad on his lap as he scrolls through news blogs, searching for an article screaming about Louis and Harry being gay.

To his surprise; there’s little to none – just a few unknown bloggers and a whole lot of tumblr users (but he tends to ignore those mostly) who are going crazy.

In a way Louis feels relief spread through his body as the articles focus on the boys being dumb and crazy as usual.

Slightly deeper down, however, he feels like he’s starting to drown with the waves crashing over his head, pushing him under – away. He feels trapped and claustrophic. But he ignores it, pushes his mind on the fact that he and Harry haven’t spoken about it happened – haven’t mention what will happen when – if – it happens.

He always thought he wasn’t ready for it – wasn’t ready to share that part of himself with everyone. But that drowning feeling has been creeping up on him, the waves getting stronger and stronger and Louis wonders what it would be like to be rid of that.

 

+

 

So when he turns up on Harry’s parents doorstep, rain pouring in true English fashion as lightning flashes across the sky and thunder rumbles the clouds and the trees in the front garden, he doesn’t miss the look of surprise when Harry opens the door.

“I want to come out,” Louis says and the shock grows, and he watches from where he’s standing out in the rain, water seeping through his clothes as Harry stares. “You gonna let me in or what?”

Harry shakes his head and steps away from the threshold, allowing Louis to slip past, trailing droplets of water into the house. “You can’t just – you can’t just drop something like _that_ on me and – and…” Harry trails off.

“Don’t you ever wonder,” Louis says, voice quiet, “Don’t you ever wonder what if would be like if we could be together?”

Harry steps forward, watching as Louis shrugs his hoodie over his head, his t-shirt riding slightly, a small slice of pale skin on show; “We _are_ together, Louis.”

“But out there,” Louis says, “Out there, walking down the road holding hands, going on proper dates, to the cinema and restaurants. No worrying about having to be seen in different places and no lying.”

Harry just stares at him before a small smile spreads across his face; “All the time,” Harry breathes, “I think about it all the time.”

“Yeah?” Louis says, his voice soft.

“Yeah.” Harry says, then after a beat; “Let’s get you out of those wet clothes before you catch the flu or something.”

Louis just raises his eyebrows suggestively; “I’ve barely been here five minutes and you’re already trying to undress me.”

Harry laughs, bright and joyful before dragging Louis up the stairs and to his bedroom.

 

+

 

It happens, once again, at an airport. Louis sitting in the car where it’s parked in the drop off section as he watches Harry drags his bags behind him, crossing the road just before turning back and giving Louis a small smile and a wave.

He’s about to turn the engine back on when he looks down to find Harry’s phone sitting on the seat.

Louis panics, at first because how the hell is he supposed to give it to him without letting everyone know that he is the one that dropped Harry off. But then, with a growing grin, he unbuckles his seatbelt and grabs the phone with one hand whilst trying to wrestle the keys out of the ignition with the other.

He stumbles his way out of the car, slamming the door behind him, just managing to remember to lock the door as he runs along the pavement. The cool air hits his skin and causes goose bumps to trail up his arms, but he ignores it.

Instead, he races across the zebra crossing, and towards the terminal where Harry is about to enter.

“Harry!” Louis shouts, gaining attention from onlookers, including both Harry’s bodyguard and Harry.

As soon as Louis reaches them, his hair a tangled mess on his head and his breathing hard, he just thinks _fuck it_ and grabs Harry’s shirt and pulls him forward.

They stumble into a searing kiss, Louis pulling Harry’s lips towards him and they catch together. Moving together in a softer rhythm, Louis can’t help but let the small smile spread across him face.

Breaking away, both boys panting hard with rosy red cheeks, Louis just gives Harry a cheeky smile; “You left your phone.”

Looking down, Harry smiles, “Oh,” he says. Before, “People are staring.”

“Of course they are,” Louis says, the corner of his lip tilting up, “We look incredible.”

And Harry laughs before pocketing the phone from Louis’ outstretched hand, “Thank you.”

Louis shrugs; “Yeah, well, I’m the one who’s gonna be taking the fall for this whilst you’re on a 10 hour flight.”

“Shit –”

But Louis cuts him off, “And it’s my pleasure,” he says, before darting in for another quick peck before he turns, dashing off back to the car.

As soon as he sits in the drivers seat, thrusting the keys into the ignition, Louis dials Zayn’s number; knowing that he’s with the boys, and puts it on loudspeaker.

“I kissed Harry,” Louis says the moment the line connects.

“I’m pretty sure you’ve done a lot more than that with Harry, why are you telling me this?”

“I kissed Harry,” Louis takes a breath, “At the airport.”

“Fuck,” Zayn says and Louis hears all the background noise go silent, “What – are you okay?”

“Fantastic,” Louis says, as he puts the car into first gear, “Bloody fantastic.”

He hears Zayn laugh at the end of the line just as he pulls away from the parking space and into the road and he breathes a sigh of relief.

It kind of feels like resurfacing, in a way.


End file.
